Single Lady: Move out or Stay with Parents?

SIngle Lady moving out

Hello!

I don’t want to assume we all understand why this is a discussion so I’d explain. In Nigeria where I currently live, there is the societal notion that when you see a single lady living alone and apart from home, she just has to be an omo wobe (a promiscuous lady). I don’t know where the idea emanated from but it is widely spread thoughts. Some others believe, it is a sign of over-independence and that can chase away potential suitors.

Just before you dismiss this as old school, realize that this view is very much alive even in 2018. I was house hunting some months back and I heard landlords saying things like they don’t want single ladies except they are students and all that kind of talk. Some older people still believe single ladies shouldn’t live alone. Some of these people are our friends’ and potential husbands’ parents and because you really want to be in their good books, it becomes a concern.

Lagos Traffic
In other news, I’ve come to the conclusion that traffic is one of the major stress factors in my life right now…. I must confess I need a break from Lagos, I’ll come back oo… but let me just breathe outside Lagos air small

The truth is these things aren’t cast in stone. We ought to learn to live our lives free from the trap called people pleasing. For me, what matters more than anything else is motive. Why you doing what you are doing?

Now, as a person, I am quite family oriented. I love family and so if I have my way, I won’t move out except to my husband’s house (the sound of ‘my husband’ sounds sweeeeetttttt! Lol) But I do recognize that this isn’t same for everyone. Some people don’t have it easy… some families don’t allow their children stand well or grow or live out their lives and passions. For this people moving out can help their lives and they can be better for it.

Apart from this, some situations can warrant that you move out. Imagine you live and work in Lagos but say you live as far as Ikorodu and you work in Lekki. My sister, it is only advisable that you move and live closer to your workplace as this is tied to your health, general sanity and productivity at work. Lagos traffic isn’t exactly

I don’t think it really makes sense that you go through the stress of traffic and all that just because of what people would say. If it’s due to you wanting to close to family or for finances or something like these, then I understand but not because you don’t want to be seen as promiscuous or because you fear you won’t see husband. Even some in their father’s house are labelled wrongly so please don’t kill yourself.

Read also: Aunty! Calm down with your dreams, Else you shall not see man to marry

And like I said in this post, You really don’t want a man who is intimidated by your achievements. If your living alone or your being independent is a threat to him, then you may need to think twice about his matter.

However, I do believe as a single lady living alone you may need to set boundaries so that people (guys especially) don’t take advantage of you. I know a friend who set visiting time for guys coming to her house. She pegged visiting time to 6pm after which no man would be allowed to visit or whatever. She’d tell this to her male friends and anyone who wants to visit ahead of time. Once it’s almost 6, she starts to remind them to leave. Well she was in a relationship as at then and didn’t want to be in a compromising situation. But I do think it is an okay way to live maybe not as early as 6, whatever decent time you think up is fine.

If you don’t do this, then guys can begin to act funny. That’s when someone would call you by 11pm and be like he is on his way back from work and he wants to say hello. You’d also need to be extra cautious because of criminals. Be safety conscious, when going to bed, lock your doors and windows even depending on how safe your area is.

Also, it can help to have a room mate maybe a friend or sister just for the sake of sharing bills and companionship. This adult life is a bill-paying life especially if you live alone so you have to plan for it and be mentally ready for it. Not that your blender would spoil now and you won’t be able to eat for two days.

This is my two cents on the matter. Let’s move this discussion to the comment section, I’d really would love to read your thoughts. As a single lady, do you think there is any ill in living alone? Have you experienced funny treatment by society because you live alone? If you are a guy, I’d also like to hear your thoughts.

Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Cheers people!

Image Source: videoblocks.com

24 thoughts on “Single Lady: Move out or Stay with Parents?

    1. Lol…. Those aunties though! Don’t we all have them?
      Anyways.. what I know is a lot of these older people really care. So I learnt from someone recently that back in the days, say our parents’ generation, single ladies living alone were known for promiscuity but then things have changed and are obviously not the same anymore… so these older people sort of still have that in their minds.
      But I guess if you can convince them on the reasons why you’d need to be by yourself, I guess everybody should be fine.
      Thank you for sharing Koz! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I am currently serving and I live alone I donโ€™t even allow male visitors in my house. I had a male friend over initially a couple of times cause I trusted him and he didnโ€™t even as little as hug me. He was a christian brother sha we even read a little Bible sef๐Ÿ˜œ. Here is my own living alone tips as far as i am concerned.
    1. Not everyone needs to know you live alone.
    2. Be good to your neighbors they will be useful
    3. Be security conscious always lock the door
    4. I donโ€™t allow guy friends in my house and here is why its a self con all I have is a bed.
    5. Try to come home early before it gets too dark.
    6. Have a back up friend let me explain. My girlfriend calls me all the time initially it was annoying but I realized she will be the first to notice if something was wrong
    7. Most importantly use your lone time to develop intimacy with God, develop yourself. There tons of online courses, podcasts.I have free wifi at work so I download tons of videos, sermons, pep talks offline to watch at home when there is no light.
    Finally nobody really has everything figured but by the Holy Spirit and the wisdom He provides we could go through anything as guided

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Faith! This is another post on its own…. Maybe you’d be a guest writer one of these days?
      I particularly love point 6, trust me everyone needs a backup friend – someone who’d check on you from time to time
      Thank you for sharing. These are helpful! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m a guy and still in university, i am of the opinion that everyone is entitled to his or her own space but i remember me talking about moving out after getting a well paying job with my aunt and mum and the look my mum gave to me said i shouldn’t try it.. Boundaries make everyone better and i feel it is need. Nice write up though.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great post Ozioma. This is my first time reading your post since i’m new. With this matter, I think it honestly depends on the circumstance. I definitely agree that there’s nothing wrong with living alone. There are benefits that come along with it well besides paying the bills. It is advisable to be wise before moving out. Some people move out because their friends have their own place so because of that, they want to move out too. I believe that if your parents permit you to stay in their home and they aren’t giving you any major issues, it’s better to stay at home. Work and save money and when you want to move out, then by all means one should. Some people rush into moving out only to find themselves in a mess.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you and welcome to my little world here! ๐Ÿ™‚
      You’re so right… I stay far away from home.. But my house is more comfortable than any apartment I can afford right now.. Plus the extras of staying at home…. free food, no nepa bill or buying of fuel… I shall be here till further notice. lol!
      Thanks for your contribution… Hope you stop by often ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Hi,
    Interesting, I think there comes a time in life when you have to walk away from home like Abraham, I did that after secondary school. When a lady is matured, and her reasons are clearly defined, personal space won’t be a rebellious, neighbors cant be fully trusted, your backup may not always be there, in fact from experience living alone in Lagos requires discipline and you’ve got to be rugged, Faith no 7 is just perfect, you need wisdom and you’ve got to be ready for the implications of staying alone

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Ozioma,am still an undergraduate and I live on campus,and most times I go home just to see how my family’s doing,so my mum and I got talking and I just hinted her that I’ll wouldn’t be living with them for too long after school and she said you better not try it, she said it’s inappropriate.I then said I could get a friend to stay with me and she gave me an approving face.
    What am saying is everyone has their own unique personality,if one can handle living alone it’s cool but if not live with someone.
    And life will go jejely๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰
    BTW am a new blogger๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

    Like

    1. Hey Tega!
      Thank you for stopping by ๐Ÿ™‚
      You’re so right on everyone having their unique personalities – basically do what works for you.
      Yaaaaaaay! Come and collect your new blogger hug. Checking out your page now… well done dear!

      Like

  6. As a single lady, living alone is great but I feel it depends on your home bringing
    It all depends on your personal assesement.
    A scenerio when you were still living with your parents and couldn’t restrict yourself and discipline your visiting and outing hours, moving out will only expose you to things you aren’t meant to be exposed to as a young lady.
    Yes! It does give a sense of independence but, does it sustain your morality?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Afoma!
      I see you’re new here…. Welcome! ๐Ÿ™‚
      I get your point… exposure to the wrong things is a major issue for single ladies. Thank you for the read and leaving a comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

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