Single Lady: Move out or Stay with Parents?

Hello!

I don’t want to assume we all understand why this is a discussion so I’d explain. In Nigeria where I currently live, there is the societal notion that when you see a single lady living alone and apart from home, she just has to be an omo wobe (a promiscuous lady). I don’t know where the idea emanated from but it is widely spread thoughts. Some others believe, it is a sign of over-independence and that can chase away potential suitors.

Just before you dismiss this as old school, realize that this view is very much alive even in 2018. I was house hunting some months back and I heard landlords saying things like they don’t want single ladies except they are students and all that kind of talk. Some older people still believe single ladies shouldn’t live alone. Some of these people are our friends’ and potential husbands’ parents and because you really want to be in their good books, it becomes a concern.

In other news, I’ve come to the conclusion that traffic is one of the major stress factors in my life right now…. I must confess I need a break from Lagos, I’ll come back oo… but let me just breathe outside Lagos air small

The truth is these things aren’t cast in stone. We ought to learn to live our lives free from the trap called people pleasing. For me, what matters more than anything else is motive. Why you doing what you are doing?

Now, as a person, I am quite family oriented. I love family and so if I have my way, I won’t move out except to my husband’s house (the sound of ‘my husband’ sounds sweeeeetttttt! Lol) But I do recognize that this isn’t same for everyone. Some people don’t have it easy… some families don’t allow their children stand well or grow or live out their lives and passions. For this people moving out can help their lives and they can be better for it.

Apart from this, some situations can warrant that you move out. Imagine you live and work in Lagos but say you live as far as Ikorodu and you work in Lekki. My sister, it is only advisable that you move and live closer to your workplace as this is tied to your health, general sanity and productivity at work. Lagos traffic isn’t exactly

I don’t think it really makes sense that you go through the stress of traffic and all that just because of what people would say. If it’s due to you wanting to close to family or for finances or something like these, then I understand but not because you don’t want to be seen as promiscuous or because you fear you won’t see husband. Even some in their father’s house are labelled wrongly so please don’t kill yourself.

Read also: Aunty! Calm down with your dreams, Else you shall not see man to marry

And like I said in this post, You really don’t want a man who is intimidated by your achievements. If your living alone or your being independent is a threat to him, then you may need to think twice about his matter.

However, I do believe as a single lady living alone you may need to set boundaries so that people (guys especially) don’t take advantage of you. I know a friend who set visiting time for guys coming to her house. She pegged visiting time to 6pm after which no man would be allowed to visit or whatever. She’d tell this to her male friends and anyone who wants to visit ahead of time. Once it’s almost 6, she starts to remind them to leave. Well she was in a relationship as at then and didn’t want to be in a compromising situation. But I do think it is an okay way to live maybe not as early as 6, whatever decent time you think up is fine.

If you don’t do this, then guys can begin to act funny. That’s when someone would call you by 11pm and be like he is on his way back from work and he wants to say hello. You’d also need to be extra cautious because of criminals. Be safety conscious, when going to bed, lock your doors and windows even depending on how safe your area is.

Also, it can help to have a room mate maybe a friend or sister just for the sake of sharing bills and companionship. This adult life is a bill-paying life especially if you live alone so you have to plan for it and be mentally ready for it. Not that your blender would spoil now and you won’t be able to eat for two days.

This is my two cents on the matter. Let’s move this discussion to the comment section, I’d really would love to read your thoughts. As a single lady, do you think there is any ill in living alone? Have you experienced funny treatment by society because you live alone? If you are a guy, I’d also like to hear your thoughts.

Thank you! 🙂

Cheers people!

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