The first time I was identified as a feminist was at the University. I had one of Chimamanda Adichie’s video on feminism on one of my drives. I was to collect some materials from a lecturer of mine. He saw the video and exclaimed, “And you are a Christian!…”
Now I hadn’t seen the video then and all I knew of feminism was establishing social equality of both sexes so I was a bit confused. I went ahead to watch the video and I was confused as to why he made that statement.
According to Wikipedia, Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes. This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to those for men.
This is all I have known to be feminism – insisting on gender equality for women.
I became active on Twitter some months ago and I have come to see that they are a lot of ‘feminists’ who do not exactly get what it means. They are those of the #MenAreScum movement. Instead of gender equality, they actually preach hate against men in subtle terms. They turn every single thing to gender wars. You could be complaining about the rains and someone would go, “Men are scum…” It is exhausting to say the least.
Now I understand that a good number of these ladies have legit reasons. They have had the worst experiences from these man. I totally get that. But what I am against is using a sample of men to define the whole human race (male).
When you say things like #MenAreScum, it doesn’t sit well with me because I could sit you down and tell you numerous stories of women who are also scum. Men and women, humans generally can be scum. Scum is not a matter of gender or race. If you are scum, you are scum. It is not a “man” thing.
The most recent trend I am seeing is the one against marriage, belittling its relevance, reducing the worth and importance of marriage because “I can do bad all by myself”
I should state here that I am believer of Jesus Christ aka a christian. Hence, my world view is biblical, meaning I see the world through the lens of the bible.
That said, I would state that marriage was instituted by God, in whom is no darkness, hence marriage is good, After creation, God said to Himself, it is not good for man to be alone, so He created Eve and marriage was instituted. This post isn’t about marriage so I would not make it so….
But the bottom line is this, “Marriage in itself is not bad, some people have abused marriage and made ugly situations out of it but that doesn’t mean marriage is bad…” Marriage is beautiful when done rightly and selflessly, when each party isn’t holding to rights and they choose to serve each other in love just as God made it.
This fight against men, against marriage is a fight against the family structure and the society at large. I have come across various tweets talking about how all you need is your money and you can adopt a kid or two and live your life. This is not how things are meant to be….
My beliefs aside, let me share with you some interesting stats about children who grew up without their fathers:
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
- 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes
- 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
- 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes
You might want to catch your breath at this point… let’s look at children with fathers…
- Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
- Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school
- Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
- Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities
This stats is from the different units in the US but this can give us an idea of how these things work even in Nigeria, only we don’t do statistics as well here 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
PS: These aren’t even christian or religious families, It’s a mix of every kind of family and yet the conclusion is this – Growing up without a father is not the best for that child.
We see how this “I can do bad all by myself” attitude is unhealthy. A family is designed to have a father and a mother training the children to be useful members of the society amongst other things. The fact that one man or 10 men or 1,000,000 men have missed it does not cancel out the entire race of man.
Hence, you would hardly find me put my mouth in all these Twitter feminism talk. Not because I am anti-feminism. If you know me close up, you would call me a feminist. I am so pro-gender equality. I am pained when I see women sidelined, however if truth is to be told, we’d see how twitter feminism is tending towards hate games
So, what do I stand for?
I stand for gender equality – giving as much opportunities to women as you would give to. I often ask those who are feminists by bio, “What do you stand for?” Often times, they’d say, “Gender equality…” Then I would ask, “If you truly stand for gender equality, why do you give to a woman what a man deserves simply because she is a woman?…” Truth is, I know some industries are male-dominated hence the preference of females to males regardless of qualifications to buffer the difference. I understand that… I also like the emphasis on training girls and empowering them and having all these nice talks and all that to push them to be more but I also ask (as a gender equality person), are we training our boys in the same manner? Or are we neglecting them? Are we pushing them as hard? Are we empowering them as well?
If we aren’t, in the next few decades, we’d realize we have powerful women who are well groomed, responsible members of the society and a group of men who aren’t as smart and exposed. The problem wouldn’t have been solved, we’d only have the tables turned.
I believe gender equality should be what it is – we should push our girl children and also push our boy children, we should train them to be human and compassionate and responsible regardless of their sex. And again, marriage as an institution is not the problem.
In conclusion, this is to wonderful men!
Men that are compassionate as they are strong,
Men that are not afraid to give a woman a chance,
Men who would not take advantage of a woman (or their fellow man)
Men who would love, protect and nurture his family,
Men who would rise up to the demands for sane fathers in the society,
Men like my father – an Igbo father of 3 girls who refused to bow to the pressure of taking a second wife because of a male child…)
Men like Oga Paulo (my father) who said to me, “What a man can do, you can do even better…”
This is to beautiful men,
May we know them, May we love them and May we groom them
Happy International Men’s day!