Oh my dayyyyyys! It has been sooo long since I’ve been on here and I don’t even know how I feel about that. Loool! I really don’t know what to attribute the long silence to so I won’t bother with the usual apologies creatives give when they’ve been away for long. I’m here now, so welcome back 🙂 … And I got a kickstart from reading my friend’s post this morning.
First, this 2019 is literally flying by! Please, how is it July already??? I mean, I still remember the crossover service on the first of January like yesterday so how is this July??? Anyways, it’s been a roller coaster. Like everyone else, I started the year with high hopes. I had clear goals and plans and the first two weeks went by so fabulously. The drama started after then. I was unsettled. I felt all over the place and I had this feeling of “You’re not making progress”. So combine impostor syndrome with uncertainty and anxiety and fear – that’s how that month was for me. It was a lot – balancing work with preparation for GRE, doing my every-workday Ikorodu-Marina waka, trying to be there for my friends and family, trying to stay fit 😭😭😭
I was stressed and overwhelmed. My relationship with God was soon out of sync. I’ll be sleeping off during prayers or bible study because genuinely I was almost always tired. Then, the height of it all happened one day when I went to work and on my way back, I had this crazy, near-death accident that left me with a bruises all over my legs and a fractured shoulder bone. I couldn’t move the arm for weeks. I was out of work for about 5 weeks. I wrote about it here.
God literally saved my life. Like, I would have been long gone. Right after that accident, I was numb and unsure of what to do with myself. I was in lots of pains, If I forget myself and roll, I’d wake up with a shout and throbbing pains. I was taking drugs all the time (and I hateeeeeeee drugs!) I was out of work and I couldn’t sew. Even blogging was a big struggle as I had only one hand to type, the other was in a cast (and being idle drives me crazy, no jokes) In all these, I couldn’t be mad at God because many people don’t survive falling off a moving bus on a high way. So I kept asking God to show me how He would have me navigate the situation.That was when I read almost 10 books (and since after, my 2019 book list has scattered. Lol. I’ll get back soon. Promise! ) I also spent some time praying and resting veryyyy well.
I got back to work early March or so and settling in was slow. I then started questioning my whole career. Lol. I wasn’t feeling it again. Motivation was low, then all those January emotions started bombarding me. What I did was to take it one at a time. I started with the impostor syndrome… Spoke about that in my podcast here. At this time, GRE was some weeks away. I busied myself with that and literally decided to start living my best life.
Fast forward to April, I had a work project in Abuja and there I spent a little over two months. Best times mehn! No traffic, no stress. I added some serious flesh there. Lol and why not? When I had peace of mind. It was part of the highlights of my half-year. In that time still, I learned the art of living alone. Prior to then, I had never ever lived alone. I was always with family. Even during service, I stayed in family house. So it was new and strange. I was the only female in my team of 5. I struggled with basic things such as zipping up my dresses. I literally would zip them half way and run to the receptionist to help me finish it. Loool. I also didn’t have much friends in Abuja so some days were more awkward and lonely than the others. I can however tell you I mastered the art of living alone. Take me to New York where at the moment I know no one, I’ll be fine 💪💪💪
I got back to Lagos early last month for a training at work and God blew my mind. So I had been expecting this admission from the school I applied to. But my GRE wasn’t so great so I had given up after a while. Eventually, the mail came in and I did a flip (in my head of course 🌚)… But the excitement soon died because the fees were expensive. A tenth of it isn’t even up to my entire savings at the moment and I knew my family wouldn’t be able to support me for the entire thing. I mean, I had a little hope that some miracle would happen but I had low key planned to mail for deferment. I also started sourcing for scholarship opportunities. I couldn’t do this earlier because I didn’t have an offer letter. Most opportunities had closed. I had just started one and wasn’t even done when God did the miraculous. I woke up one day and saw I had a mail from MCF… I wasn’t sure what that was. I opened to check and I threw my phone at my sister in fear, joy, amazement. I screamed so loud she was alarmed. She was seating just in front of me. I started shouting with my trembling amidst tears “Pick my phone and read to me…” She was confused and then she smiled when she read it. It was a MasterCard Foundation Scholarship to go do my masters in this my dream school I had given up on. I hadn’t applied hence the shock. It was some shortlisting done by the school. The scholarship covered my full tuition and then some more. Let’s just say I was on the floor for about 30 minutes crying and shaking in thanksgiving to God.
Soon, I’ll be on my way off to grad school and I still cannot believe it. Like I think about it and my eyes fill up with tears. God is truly amazing. Last night, my dad was talking to me and in between he said, “He said this blessing is what the devil tried to stop with that accident…” I just smiled when I remembered the entire episode.
The year started funny but God has given me an amazing gift that it feels like the end of the year already. And I know there’s still more. The journey ahead is truly exciting and I know it is not free of challenges.
But I have learned this half-year that:
- Even when you pass through the fire, it won’t burn you if you walk with God. What takes others down would strengthen you instead
- These raging emotions of confusion, anxiety, depression, fear you feel today would not last forever. I am a witness to that.
- There is absolutely nothing that God cannot do.
- God’s time is the best. I’ve been looking for going for this masters since 2015 when I finished school but I never really felt led to apply till last year. In fact, I had stubbornly started reading for GRE when all my friends were going for theirs and it looked like I wasn’t making head way in that regards. Then, I had to tell myself the truth, it’s not yet time. So I stopped. A few of my friends thought I was wasting time and I was a confused child… but in my heart, I knew it wasn’t time until last year when I knew it was time and see how God made everything turn out right. God’s time is truly the best.
- God knows what He would do that would change your case in a split second (This is a yoruba church song I have translated literally here, If you know you know 😉😉😉 )
Thank you so much if you made it to this point! You’re amazing. Please share snippets of your half-year (however it went, remember God’s time is the best) I’ll totallyyyy love to read from you. Also, you guys I’ve been contemplating changing my blog name because I kinda feel I’ve transitioned from the girl I was in 2016 when I started it… The content here too has evolved. Plus when I go for school, I don’t know how I’ll be getting Lagos stories. So I really don’t know. Please, what do you think, kindly share your thoughts…. Thanks! 💜