2019 did not really start on the best note for me, I was suffering from chronic case of insecurity.
Let me give you a glimpse into that:
By January 1st 2019, I had just undergone appendices surgery, which left not only a big scar on my stomach but also on my heart, I was terribly sad! Like It seems like my story was about to round up (and not on a good note). Insecurity was eating me up faster than cancer, I had lost my friends, My academics was on a stand still and we had nothing, financially.
And being the introvert that I am, I spent hours crying, self pitying, self blaming and every sad stuff you could think of. But amidst all this sadness that wants to devour me, the word of God brought sanity to my soul, During times when I was alone and contemplated suicide, the word gave me hope.
See ehn contemplating suicide was quite scary for me, So after battling with several thoughts in my mind one fateful day, I ran out of my room and went to visit an aunt. When I got to her house, she was quite busy, but I was scared so I stayed close, the thought of going home and having to face suicidal thoughts filled me with fear, I ended up reading a book I found. The book is called ‘Church shift’ by Sunday Adelaja.
Although the book didn’t say anything about depression or even suicidal thoughts, I was able to overcome those thoughts because as I read, I began to speak words to myself, ‘God has great plans for you’ , ‘Christy, God is not through with you yet’ and yes God wasn’t done with me. In fact, He just got started.
I started reading for exams again, this was really hard for me because I had failed an important exam in 2018 and I had lost all confidence to prepare for another exam but God is very faithful, I remember how I would be reading and tears will be pouring down my face cause I did not understand a thing. But glory to God, I prayed and worked hard, every exam I wrote this year, I passed in flying colors
Ehn Ehn, You know I said God is not through with me yet, He not only gave me hope but he gave me direction. For someone who was wallowing in sadness and insecurity, I began to do really well. In year 2019 I started my very own book club 😁, I started an organisation that is passionate seeing the world become a better place ‘BETTEREDGE’, I became a teacher, I got invited to speak at several occasions, I got promoted as the head of usher in my church and Bible study Secretary… I have met a considerable amount of amazing people this year, Miss Ozioma is one of them.
On a final note, I’ll like to share key lessons I learnt in 2019:
- Lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge the Lord and He shall direct your path (This is my mantra for life)
- Your Network is your Networth (build health relationship)
- Take time to understand yourself (Remember you are God’s gift to this world)
- Fear is simply a mental monster you created and since you created it only you can destroy it
- Learn to forgive yourself, it is very crucial to growth
- You are not your feelings or emotions, you are a child of God (Christ defines you)
- Just like the last point, constantly remind yourself that the love that God has for you is greater than every lie the devil has told you
- Be Intentional and consistent in all you do
- Have faith, all things are possible, virtually all things are possible when faith is involved
- Dare to do the impossible remember that your greatest desires lies beneath your worse fears
If you had a year like mine, and you battled with your mental health. I hope you feel better now and I pray you enter 2020 with clarity and joy. I just want to encourage you, many things may not have gone according to plan, or you may just be in a space of fear and depression, please do not wallow in it. Speak out to someone you trust and get help. Staying silent is never the solution.
Thank you for reading, I wish you light and love in the coming year.