I entered 2019 with a lot of expectations, confusion, fears, and plans (goals too), most of these plans never panned out. There were times when I felt like i wasn’t enough or just maybe I had a problem and there were times when I felt like I was on a roll and gbam! I’d fall flat and be back to my vacuum. Here writing this and looking back, I am super grateful to God and loved ones.
Looking back now, I realise that I wanted to do a lot of things because I wanted certain people in my life to say well done and be proud of me.
In the beginning, I was still finding my feet. It seemed like I was interested in and good at a lot of things all at the same time and just wasn’t sure where I fit in. As the year rolled on, I found myself in a field I now enjoy and I am working at getting better at, whilst growing my personal business.
Well, family is family. In family I found strength and a support system. I am indeed blessed. I learnt to appreciate the people I have with here on earth and cherish dearly the memories of ones no more.
When it came to relationships, I felt like I was weird or sometimes a difficult person; because I didn’t know how to maintain relationships. I was scared of people getting too close, being hurt and I had serious trust issues. I questioned the motives of anyone who extended a hand of friendship to me. I wanted to know why, for what, when, and just maybe how long the friendship was supposed to last. In 2019, I grew into learning to get more involved and take active interest in those around me. I have also learnt never to miss the lessons that come with each phase that life brings. I have learnt to be more open to people and just enjoy the amazing friendships God has blessed me with, however long or short they last…
Sometimes, it’s a struggle but God is God, He’s never left me hanging. There are times when I didn’t feel like studying my Bible or praying at all. I have learnt to follow God, pray and read my Bible even when I don’t feel like it; it’s how I get myself going. Now I’m learning to live, love and stop stressing. (I still stress sometimes sha)
In this regards, God has truly got me! My biggest lesson in this area is how I have learnt to give more even when I appeared to have less to give, not worrying about whether someone was lying about his or her reason for asking for the money. Although I didn’t have as much as I wanted always, God provided. I also grew in the area of managing my money and savings (truly feels great to say this).
I have learnt to take it one day at a time. The truth is its hard because of how I often overthink and juggle many things together. There’s often pressure on several fronts and you find yourself just trying your possible best to be sane. But you see friends, sometimes its okay not to know what’s next. Uncertainty is a part of life. We have to amidst the pressure and uncertainty that life brings, trust God more and allow Him do His work without subconsciously trying to do his work for him.
I also want to encourage everyone who faced pressure and uncertainty like I did. Regardless of what you see now, it truly does get better. Please give yourself more time, things would get better. I hope for a better 2020, to be a better daughter, sister, friend and lover. I wish same for you too! Cheers 🙂
Thank you Ozzy for letting me do this, stay amazing!!!! Love ya loads girl 😍😍😍😍😍